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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29682777">How could you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaleyForever2020/pseuds/NaleyForever2020'>NaleyForever2020</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Emmerdale</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicide Attempt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 01:15:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,172</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29682777</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaleyForever2020/pseuds/NaleyForever2020</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>I wrote this after last night episode I was so angry at how Charity's family treated her they could really make her so something stupid, I couldn't get this idea out so thought I'd right a story of Charity trying to end it all. When Vanessa comes back she's so angry about every thing that's happened.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Charity Dingle/Vanessa Woodfield</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>51</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Prologue</strong>
</p><p>Charity has completely lost everything Vanessa her kids and now her family things couldn’t get any worse she felt like she had nothing left to live for. Her life was such a mess she knew she needed help she knew she couldn’t keep living like this.</p><p>Everyone hated her, Vanessa, her kids and her family. She was going to do what they all wanted they wanted her out of their lives. After leaving the letter outside what used to be her home where she was the most happiest she’s ever been she took off she had to get out of here. She didn’t want anyone to find her she had to end this she couldn’t live with this pain anymore.</p><p>
  <strong>Chapter 1</strong>
</p><p>“Hi Sarah, I’m just on my way to the garage I start working there today” Noah said as he went to leave.</p><p>“Bye Noah, I’m going to school soon Belle is going to drive me,” Sarah said as she finished her breakfast.</p><p>As Noah was leaving he noticed the letter, he knew it was his mum’s writing, he thought about throwing it away, when he saw Diane looking frantic something must be going on.</p><p>“Hi Noah have you seen your mum she didn’t come home last night and she left this note saying she was sorry and thanking me for helping her when know one else would” Diane said as she approached him.</p><p>“I haven’t seen her she dropped this off she’s probably of drunk somewhere causing more problems I’ve had enough of it Diane” Noah said he was done with his mothers mess he had his own life to lead she’s messed it up too many times he wasn’t going to go through it again.</p><p>“What does it say, I’m really worried you didn’t see how upset she was I’ve never seen her like that,” Diane asked.</p><p>“I’m not reading it look I’ve got to go I have work,” Noah said not meaning to be rude.</p><p>“Oh no you don’t inside now we are reading what your mum’s got to say because I’m scared she might have done something stupid,” Diane said as she walked him through the door.</p><p>“Hi gran what’s going on,” Sarah asked confused why she was here.</p><p>“Hi Sarah sit down both of you and open the letter Noah” Diane said as she sat down.</p><p>“Here you read it,” Noah said as he handed her the letter.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Hi Noah, I have so many things I need to say to you, I know you hate me and I can’t say I blame you, I know I haven’t been the best mum, but I do love you so much, I love all my kids. I’ve made so many mistakes I couldn’t handle the pain I felt when I lost Vanessa and Johnny, I couldn’t believe that I could be so stupid to hurt her like I did I lost her and everyone I love. I drank like I did to numb the pain and due to my drinking I lost everyone and everything I love. I’ve needed help for a long time I should have got counselling after the Bails stuff maybe if I did I wouldn’t be like this now.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>I’m so sorry for hurting you and not being the mum you deserved. I never meant to hurt Debbie I was drunk and not thinking clearly I understand she hates me and never wants to see me again. Can you tell her I’m sorry and I wish things could be different. Moses is still so young he’ll be ok, so will Johnny he’s got a great mum, can you tell them when they’re older how much I loved them. I just wanted to be a good mum to them to be given that chance, but maybe they’ll be better off without me. I can’t screw up their life like I did my other kids. Can you tell Ryan how much the last couple of years have meant to me getting to know him I’m proud of the man he is. Noah I just want you to be happy again for you to live your life without worrying about me. I don’t want you to hate me Noah I love you so much, by the time you read this I’ll be gone I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to stay but I just can’t. You all wanted me dead I’m just doing what you all wanted. I’m sorry love Mum x”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>“Oh my god we have to find her,” Diane cried as she placed the letter down.</p><p>“I’m coming with you” Noah cried he was scared his mum was going to do something stupid.</p><p>“I’m going to go get grumpy,” Sarah cried hoping he’d help even after what’s been going on.</p><p>“Ok, let’s go” Diane said as they left the house.</p><p>Sarah knew he’d be at the garage so she went there, she was so scared she didn’t want anything to happen to her gran.</p><p>“Hi Sarah what’s happened” Cain asked as he saw her crying.</p><p>“It’s gran,” Sarah cried as she ran to him.</p><p>“What’s she done now I told her to stay away, I’m not going to let her hurt my family again,” Cain yelled.</p><p>“We think she’s hurt herself or left we don’t know she left what looked like a suicide note, we have to find her I don’t want her die” Sarah cried.</p><p>“Look don’t cry we’ll find her this is just another one of Charity’s sick games,” Cain said as he took Sarah to his car.</p><p>“Where do you think Gran would go” Sarah asked as they were driving out of the village.</p><p>“I don’t know, look Sarah Charity won’t do something stupid she’s probably just left for a few days. Hopefully she’s seen she’s not wanted here and has left. She wouldn’t kill herself so please stop thinking that, look let’s just go back to the pub speak to Chas she might know where Charity has gone” Cain said as he went to turn around he saw Charity’s car in the distance.</p><p>“That’s grans car” Sarah cried something was wrong she could feel it.</p><p>“Stay in here, I’m going to make sure everything is ok first” Cain said as he pulled over on the side of the road by Charity’s car.</p><p>When Cain looked through the car, he couldn’t see any sign of Charity what the hell was going on he was starting to get a bad feeling about this.</p><p>“Sarah she’s not in there,” Cain said as he approached his car.</p><p>“Maybe gran ran out of petrol and has gone to get some,” Sarah said as she got out the car they had to find her.</p><p>“Looks like she walked this way I don’t know why she would start walking across a field this is all really weird. Look stay here I’m going to go and look for her,” Cain said as he started walking in the direction Charity headed.</p><p>Cain has been walking around ten minutes when he spots her laying under some trees. He runs over to her she must have passed out due to the booze as he got closer he could see something was seriously wrong. There was a couple of empty vodka bottles and an empty bottle of pills, she wouldn’t wake up he knew he had to call an ambulance.</p><p>“Charity how could you be so stupid do you have any idea what this is going to do to the kids” Cain yelled as he tried to feel for a pulse like the emergency person asked him too.</p><p>It felt like forever waiting for the ambulance, Sarah must have gathered something was wrong when she saw the ambulance driving in the direction Cain went because she started running towards them.</p><p>“Grumpy what’s going on why are they taking gran,” Sarah asked as she saw them putting her in the ambulance.</p><p>“Mr Dingle we’ll be taking Ms Dingle to Hotten general hospital we’d advise you get her family there” The paramedic said as he got back into the ambulance.</p><p>“Sarah we need to get to the hospital can you call Noah it’s not looking good” Cain said trying to keep himself from breaking down, they may have had there differences but he did love her she was the mother of his daughter and he didn’t want her to die.</p><p>“Ok, but what’s happened” Sarah asked as they walked back to Cain's car.</p><p>“I think you were right I think she tried to end it, there was booze and pills by her side she was unconscious,” Cain said not wanting to scare her.</p><p>“Oh god, I’m going to ring Noah this is my fault I told her we’d be better of if she died. I didn’t mean it I was just so hurt and angry” Sarah cried she should have talked to her, helped her it was obvious she needed help.</p><p>“Sarah this isn’t your fault, we should have all done more to help her, I never thought she’d ever do something like this,” Cain said as he hugged his granddaughter.</p><p>“Hi Noah, we found gran it’s not looking good she’s gone to the hospital we’re heading there now” Sarah cried as she got in Cain’s car.</p><p>“Oh god we’ll meet you there,” Noah cried as he hung up.</p><p>“Was that Sarah,” Diane asked as he came of the phone.</p><p>“Yeah mum’s in the hospital we have to go” Noah cried he just wanted her to be ok.</p><p>“Come on lets go” Diane said as she took his hand she could tell how scared he was he might be nearly 18 but he was still a boy who wanted his mum.</p><p>The drive to the hospital was mostly silent neither one of them knew what to say, Noah had so many thoughts running through his head. His mum had to be ok she just had to he couldn’t lose her not like this.</p><p>“Sarah what’s happened” Noah yelled as he ran over to them.</p><p>“Gran tried to kill herself, grumpy found her, they won’t tell us anything,” Sarah cried as she hugged her uncle.</p><p>“I’m going to get us all some tea, we could do with some with the shock” Diane said leaving them to it, she knew they needed each other they were like siblings.</p><p>“Have you called your mum,” Noah asked as they sat down.</p><p>“Yes we called her before we found her she was on her way back anyway, to pick up grandad he’s moving back to Scotland she should be here any minute” Sarah said she needed her mum she was scared.</p><p>“Hello I’m Dr McBride I’m one of the senior doctors, are you the family of Ms Dingle,” Dr McBride asked as he approached them.</p><p>“Yes I’m her son Noah this is my niece Sarah is my mum ok” Noah asked he had to be strong here his mum needed him.</p><p>“Ms Dingle is in a very critical condition, it’s not looking great with the amount of alcohol in her system her organs shut down and as she was outside so long hypothermia set in the next 24 to 48 hours will be critical. I don’t want to scare you both but I’d suggest you get her family here. Is Ms Dingle religious if she is you might want to call in a priest or vicar to administer last rights. We can allow one of you to sit with her I’ll call someone when she’s ready” Dr McBride said as he left.</p><p>“I’m going to to call Ness she’ll want to be here, we have to tell her” Noah cried his mum was going to die thinking they all hated her she had to be ok she just had to.</p><p>“Hi Noah” Vanessa said shocked to hear from him.</p><p>“Ness it’s mum you have to come” Noah cried he couldn’t stop the tears anymore he’s never felt this scared in his whole life.</p><p>“Noah your mum and I ain’t together anymore, I’m not ready to see her” Vanessa said she’d heard from Tracy, Charity was drinking a lot and had gone back to doing scams she couldn’t help her not now.</p><p>“You’ve got to come mum’s gonna die, they said we have to call a priest give her last rights, she’s gonna die Ness thinking we all hate her. I can’t lose her please come I know she hurt you and I’m sorry for that but she’s gonna die,” Noah yelled he couldn’t stop his emotions he just wanted things to go back to how they were before all this bad stuff happened.</p><p>“Ok, ok I’m coming, your mum is a fighter Noah she isn’t going to die” Vanessa cried she couldn’t die not like this.</p><p>“Vanessa what’s going on who’s going to die” Mary asked as Vanessa came of the phone.</p><p>“Mum I’ve got to go can you watch Johnny for me please,” Vanessa asked as she grabbed her coat.</p><p>“Ok when will you be back” Mary asked she could tell something was wrong so wasn’t going to make things worse.</p><p>“I don’t know mum, I’ve got to go I’ll call you,” Vanessa said as she walked out the door.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Chapter 2</strong>
</p><p>Vanessa has never been more scared Charity couldn’t die she just couldn’t, she couldn’t lose her not now, not before they made things right. From what Noah said, it was bad she knew she had to get there, as fast as she could Charity needed her, Noah needed her too.</p><p>“Ness” Noah cried as he hugged her.</p><p>“How is she, has there been any change” Vanessa asked as more people came in the waiting area.</p><p>“No nothing I’m still waiting to see her, Debbie’s on her way, I couldn’t get hold of Ryan he’s working in London at the minute. I didn’t want to call Ross not unless we have too,” Noah said as Chas and Cain walked through the door.</p><p>“Right ok, I’m going to go find the doctor find out what’s going on, Hi Chas, Cain” Vanessa said as she reluctantly left her son he was in a state she didn’t like leaving him like that.</p><p>“Hi Vanessa, Noah come here” Chas said as she hugged him, she couldn’t believe it when Cain came and told her what’s happened she couldn’t believe it went this far.</p><p>“What if she dies Chas, I can’t lose her not like this,” Noah cried.</p><p>“Now you listen to me your mum is not going to die we need to think positive, your mum’s a fighter she’ll get through this.</p><p>“I spoke to the nurse, the doctor will come and speak to us soon. Now I want to know what in the hell’s been going on because none of this makes any sense,” Vanessa said as she sat down.</p><p>“Mum was a mess she wasn’t handling your break up well, and started drinking heavily she was always drunk, Moses has been with Ross for months things just became too much” Noah cried.</p><p>“So your saying she tried to kill herself because we broke up months ago,” Vanessa asked she should have just come home and spoke to Charity.</p><p>“No that’s not the only reason, we were all sick of her drinking and messing things up, I told her we’d be better off if she died. I didn’t mean it, I was just angry. I should have got her help it was clear she needed it,” Noah cried.</p><p>“Noah this isn’t your fault your just a kid, so what else happened, Tracy said your mum was doing scams again, has that got something to do with this” Vanessa asked needing to know.</p><p>“No I don’t think so, that was one mistake I helped her with that, we were past that when she signed for me to join the army. Then I was so angry at her for telling them about my kidney condition I know now she was telling them because she cares she was worried about me getting hurt. I got denied because I lied I was so angry at her I haven’t really spoke to her since” Noah cried knowing he had a part in what’s happened if she dies he’ll never forgive himself.</p><p>“Noah I know your mum she just wants you to be safe you do know she had to tell them. So that’s the only thing that happened,” Vanessa asked just trying to piece together all the information.</p><p>“No, we did try and help her at the start of all this, but nothing worked she was drinking herself to sleep every night she wasn’t working Noah nearly went to prison for her. She tried to ruin my wedding to Paddy, then she betrayed Debbie, we were just sick of it. Debbie had already kicked her out of the house she was a mess. After what happened with Al, we made her sell the pub to Marlon if it wasn’t for Diane she would have been on the street,” Chas said she had to tell her everything.</p><p>“What happened with Al, why did Debbie kick her out” Vanessa asked none of this was making sense.</p><p>“Debbie kicked her out because she was a drunk and Sarah was getting in trouble with Danny to do with drugs Debbie blamed Charity for not looking after her properly. Then while Charity was drunk, she spilled her guts to Al telling him Debbie and Priya’s plan to steal his money and then she tried it on with him. Charity didn’t realise she was being recorded and Al played it to the whole pub. Debbie left after that we were just sick of it sick of her ruining our lives we never expected her to do this. I know we should have got her proper help I feel terrible” Chas said as much as she was hurt she did love her she’s family.</p><p>“Vanessa it’s my fault I was angry at gran I blamed her for mum leaving I told her we’d be better off dead,” Sarah cried as she and Debbie walked through the door.</p><p>“Sarah this is not your fault I already told you that, hi Vanessa” Debbie said as she sat down holding Sarah’s hand.</p><p>“This is a lot to take in, so what through her over the edge” Vanessa asked something made her do this.</p><p>“I told dad she couldn’t see the kids, and that I wanted nothing more to do with her” Debbie said feeling bad about it now, she should have helped her mum when she first came home but she had too much going on.</p><p>“Look she was no longer part of the family she wasn’t a Dingle anymore, we didn’t expect her to do this. She’s been through a lot worse and not tried to off herself. None of this is our fault, it’s not our fault she was a mess I tried to help her I told her to move on pull herself together. She was a mess always drunk not looking after her kids all because of a break up that’s not Charity, she’s stronger than that. We all thought she’d just move on like she always does, we expected her to leave the village not this,” Cain said not wanting Vanessa to blame them they tried.</p><p>“Right so what I’m gathering from all of this is, Charity was clearly in pain and was clearly on a path of self destruction and instead of helping her, you kicked her out of her home, took her kids and her lively hood. You washed your hands with her now did Charity ever not help you, did she turn her back on you when you needed her, no she didn’t but none of you could see she needed help and now she could die thinking you all hated her. What kind of family are you, you drove her to this. She was already down and you made her feel a million times worse, how could you do that to her” Vanessa yelled she’s never felt so angry.</p><p>“Us you’re the one who left her you weren’t here when she needed you” Cain yelled he wasn’t going to let her put the blame on them.</p><p>“Oh I know I should have been here, I know that now clearly. But you all pushed her to do this from the sounds of it, you all made her feel like shit and I think you should all leave. Look I’m here now Noah you can stay so can you Sarah your kids this isn’t on you, but you all need to really look at yourselves and see what you’ve done” Vanessa yelled.</p><p>“You can’t do that, she’s our family you’ve not even been here” Cain yelled he wasn’t going to let her do this.</p><p>“Oh but I can, I’m her next of kin I have rights to be here, I’m not going to let anyone of you hurt her again” Vanessa yelled.</p><p>“Look mum hurt me, I love my mum I was hurt I didn’t mean to push her to do this I know I should have been here I should have helped her I didn’t think she’d ever do something stupid like this” Debbie cried.</p><p>“Debbie I know your mum loves you and would do anything for you, you know she’d never hurt you deliberately. Why did you kick her out you must have seen she needed help, none of this is making any sense to me, you must have trusted your mum she’s been raising your daughter for over a year without any help” Vanessa asked as she tried to calm down.</p><p>“I was going through my own problems I was seeing Al turned out he was engaged to Priya I was hurting I only came home to sort this mess with Sarah and Danny, mum was a mess the kids weren’t even living at my house I know now she needed help, I should have helped her. Al manipulated her got her drunk I know now it wasn’t her fault I never asked Chas to take the pub from her I didn’t want this to happen you have to believe me I don’t want my mum to die” Debbie cried.</p><p>“I know you don’t want her to die, I’m not blaming you for all this we all had her part to play in this. Your mum lost everything, everything that ever mattered to her, what did you all think would happen. Why didn’t anyone call me tell me what was going on I haven’t heard from any of you since I left for my mum’s, apart from Noah and I haven’t spoken to him since Charity and I broke up” Vanessa cried if she’d have known she would have come home helped her get help.</p><p>“Ness I know I should have called you I didn’t think you’d want me to after what happened, I should have got mum help, I saw her more than anyone else I knew she needed help I tried to help her at first it just became too much” Noah cried as he put his head in his hands.</p><p>“Noah you’re a kid, this isn’t your fault please don’t blame yourself. Your mum wouldn’t want you blaming yourself,” Vanessa said as she hugged him.</p><p>“Vanessa I’m sorry I didn’t call you I honestly didn’t think you’d care, you broke up with her sent the ring back it was over why would you have come back” Chas said.</p><p>“I never stopped loving her Chas, I would have come home I would have helped. I know I’m partly to blame in all of this I should have just came home that day, I should have told her what was going on. I was hurt when I saw the picture of her kissing that guy I know it meant nothing I know now it wasn’t an affair I spoke to Rhona she told me Charity didn’t even know who he was until hours after it happened. I was hurt because she lied about it she should have told me maybe then things could have been different. Rhona told me she wasn’t handling me being away at my mum’s she missed me so much and just wanted me to come home. I hurt her that day, made her think all sorts I drove her to this too. Tracy told me she was drinking all the time and that she was having an affair, which I now know, wasn’t true. I should have been here I should have helped her she’s needed help for a long time” Vanessa cried.</p><p>“She’s had a lot to deal with in the past year what with you being taken by Pierce then the cancer and her dad dying, we knew it be only time before she cracked I should have got help” Chas said.</p><p>“When did her dad die I didn’t think she spoke to him” Vanessa asked shocked.</p><p>“Just after Christmas the letter came to the pub,” Chas said.</p><p>“Chas you never said anything, why didn’t you say anything” Debbie asked.</p><p>“It’s not like you knew him he wasn’t a great man, hasn’t been in Charity’s life for years” Chas said what was the big problem they didn’t even know him.</p><p>“So she had that to deal with on top of everything else and you all still didn’t help her what the hell is wrong with you. Debbie you can stay your mum would want you here, but you two get the hell out, you didn’t want her in your life anymore so what are you here for you got what you wanted” Vanessa yelled.</p><p>“Look we didn’t want this, do you think we wanted her to die, she’s family we love her,” Chas yelled.</p><p>“So how you treated her that’s love is it get out,” Vanessa yelled she’s never felt more angry.</p><p>“I know we’ve made mistakes but it’s not all our fault we never wanted this to happen” Chas said she knew she should have helped more but she did try.</p><p>“Dad I’ll speak to you later maybe it’s best you go,” Debbie said not wanting there to be another argument not that she could blame Vanessa they’d all been terrible to her mum.</p><p>“Ok, I’m going call me if you hear anything, does my dad now what happened to Obadiah,” Cain asked as he got up.</p><p>“No Cain he doesn’t know one knew apart from Charity and I. Vanessa look I’m sorry ok I know I should have done more I never wanted her to end her life, Debbie call me if you need anything,” Chas said as she grabbed her bag.</p><p>“Noah I’m going to call Ross tell him what’s going he would want to know,” Debbie said as she took her phone out.</p><p>While Debbie was making the phone call, Vanessa sat with Noah and Sarah waiting to see when they could go and see Charity there was still now word from the doctor.</p><p>“Ross is going to come down in a few days he was planning on coming down anyway, Vanessa where will you stay now that your back,” Debbie asked as she came in the room.</p><p>“I’ll stay with Rhona or I’ll book a hotel,” Vanessa said not expecting this conversation.</p><p>“You can stay at the house if you want your things are still there,” Debbie suggested.</p><p>“No thanks wouldn’t be right to stay there after you kicked Charity out that was our home Debbie, it wouldn’t be right to stay there without your mum” Vanessa said she was still angry they treated Charity so badly.</p><p>“No your right, you know I am sorry I’m going to make things right with my mum, I love my mum I don’t want her to die” Debbie cried.</p><p>“Your mum isn’t going to die we have to have faith she’ll be ok” Vanessa said as the doctor walked through the door.</p><p>“Noah we spoke earlier your mum may need surgery tomorrow, for the damage to her liver we’re hoping we won’t have to were going to see how she is through the night she’s had a lot of stuff pumped through her system to flush out the drunks she took. Her brain is functioning as normal so were not predicting brain damage. A machine is breathing for her at the moment and if thinks don’t improve in the next 48 hours we’ll have to discuss the best course of action,” Dr McBride said as he approached them.</p><p>“Oh god can we see her please,” Vanessa asked.</p><p>“Yes you can but I must worn you it looks bad so please don’t be alarmed,” Dr McBride said as he took them into her room in ICU.</p><p>Vanessa couldn’t stop the tears seeing Charity like this there was tubes and wires everywhere she now knows how Charity felt when she saw her like this. Charity had to get through this because Vanessa couldn’t live without her if she dies her heart will never heal.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Chapter 3</strong>
</p><p>Vanessa has been sat by Charity’s bedside all night, she couldn’t leave her, Debbie left a few hours ago with the kids they needed to rest, and Debbie had, had a very long day with driving down from Scotland.</p><p>Vanessa sat there watching the machine breath for Charity doctors and nurses kept coming in to check on her, there was still no response, Vanessa has never felt so lost. She could have sworn she saw Charity smile when she spoke to her, but maybe that was just wishful thinking.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Charity’s head was spinning it was like she was in a dream world, as she stirred she felt arms wrapped around her.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Morning babe” Vanessa smiled as Charity started opening her eyes.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Morning Vanessa your home” Charity smiled not expecting this.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“How much did you drink last night, why wouldn’t I be here,” Vanessa asked.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“We’re not together anymore Ness you left you live with your mum” Charity said as she sat up, shocked she was back at the home she shared with Ness.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“What are you talking about Charity, did you have a bad dream. I love you my beautiful wife I’m not going anywhere ok” Vanessa smiled as she held her.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“We’re married, what when, why don’t I remember this,” Charity asked in shock.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Yes babe we’ve been married since 22<sup>nd</sup> of January 2020, we had our anniversary a few weeks ago. Did you hit your head or something Charity your not making any sense” Vanessa asked something has happened she was clearly confused.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“So we got married, you didn’t leave me, get taken by Pierce. There’s no cancer and we’re happy,” Charity asked.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“No I didn’t leave you, there’s no cancer I did have a scare but I was ok, why would Pierce take me he’s been in prison for years. Are you ok Charity maybe we should go and see a doctor,” Vanessa said worried about her wife.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“So it was all a nightmare, Ness promise me you’ll never leave me, I can’t function without you babe” Charity smiled as she kissed her wife.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“I’ll never leave you, do you want to talk about whatever’s scared you” Vanessa asked it must have been bad.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“No not really I just wanna forget it ever happened. Why don’t we go and get the boys ready we can have family day I’ve missed them so much” Charity smiled as she started to get up.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Ok sounds perfect” Vanessa smiled what did Charity drink last night she was clearly acting weird.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Johnny bobs, I’ve missed you so much,” Charity cried as she picked him up.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Mummy Charity I saw you yesterday, you silly,” Johnny laughed as she hugged him.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Morning mummy” Moses said as he wiped his eyes.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Moses your home, I’ve missed you I’m never letting you go again,” Charity cried as she hugged him.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Charity are you sure your ok, your starting to freak me out” Vanessa said Charity was acting strange.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“I’m perfect, I have my kids and you that’s all I’ll ever need” Charity smiled as she pulled Vanessa into there hug.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>Vanessa could have sworn she saw Charity move her hand, she rang the button to get the doctor something was happening.</p><p>“Is there something wrong Miss Woodfield” Dr McBride asked as he came in the room.</p><p>“She moved her hand I swear I’m not imagining it” Vanessa said as he went to check her vitals.</p><p>“There’s no change, I think you are seeing what you want to see because you’re exhausted maybe its time for you to get some sleep” Dr McBride suggested.</p><p>“No I can’t leave her, she needs me, I’ll get some sleep when her daughter get’s back ok” Vanessa said.</p><p>“Ok, I’m going to run some tests soon maybe get some rest then” Dr McBride suggested.</p><p>“Hi Vanessa any change” Debbie asked as she came in the room with Noah.</p><p>“Hi Ness I got you some coffee” Noah said a he handed her the cup.</p><p>“Thank you there’s no change, they’re going to take her for some tests” Vanessa said as she drank the coffee maybe the caffeine would wake her up a little bit.  </p><p>“Will they still need to do the surgery,” Debbie asked as she sat on the other side by her mum.</p><p>“I don’t know, I can’t lose her Debbie I’ve been up all night I can’t get everything out of my head, if only I’d come home” Vanessa cried as she held Charity’s hand.</p><p>“Ness mum wouldn’t want you blaming yourself. You know she told my dad, you’re the only person she’s ever really loved, she loves you more than she’s ever loved anyone. Losing you destroyed her and then losing everything else just threw her over the edge, we’ll get her through this” Debbie said needing her to know what her mum said.</p><p>“She’s the love of my life to Debbie, I’ve had my mum’s help through all of this, Johnny would ask for Charity all the time it was wrong of me to keep him from her she’s his mum I shouldn’t have done that” Vanessa said as she wiped her eyes.</p><p>“Ness we’ve all made mistakes none more so than me, my mum needed me and I wasn’t there I then added to her pain” Debbie cried.</p><p>“Deb’s I didn’t help I was horrible to her too, I spoke to Ryan he’ll be up as soon as he can” Noah said as he sat next to his sister.</p><p>“Hi Diane” Vanessa said as she came in the room.</p><p>“Hello Vanessa, I found this in the room where Charity’s staying, it’s addressed to you, maybe she forgot to send it,” Diane said as she handed the letter to Vanessa.</p><p>“Thank you, I’ll read it later, the doctor should be coming in again soon” Vanessa sighed as she placed it in her pocket.</p><p>“Miss Woodfield we’re ready to take Ms Dingle now it might take a while if you would like to grab some coffee of have some rest,” Nurse Rachel said as they started to unplug everything to wheel her out of the room.</p><p>“Ok, let’s just go to the canteen we can all grab something and talk” Vanessa said as she walked out of the room.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>All of a sudden, Charity felt like she was floating she could here voices sounded like Debbie what was happening.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Charity are you ok, you look a little spaced out” Vanessa asked as she sat next to Charity on the swing.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Yeah, just thought I heard Debbie, when we get home I’m going to take some paracetamol help me get rid of this headache.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Ok, if you start feeling sick let me know and we’ll go home ok” Vanessa suggested as the boys played in the park.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Ok, thanks Ness, the boys are happy it feels like forever since I saw them” Charity smiled as she watched them they seemed older. </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“You are not making much sense today I don’t know what drinks you were drinking last night but they’ve clearly made you a bit loopy. </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“I never want to lose you Ness, if I don’t have you here with me I can’t function, you mean the absolute world to me, I love you so much Ness I still can’t believe we’re married how did I get so lucky” Charity smiled as she hugged her.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“I love you to so much Charity, can you please stop thinking you’re going to lose me I’m not going anywhere,” Vanessa said as she kissed her.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>After leaving the cafeteria Vanessa and Debbie headed back to the room, Diane offered to take Noah home they promised to call if there was any news. When they got to the room Charity was back, they just had to wait for the doctor to tell them what’s going on.</p><p>“How’s Johnny” Debbie asked as Vanessa got of the phone.</p><p>“He’s good Rhona is going to go and pick him up and look after him until I know your mum’s ok. He’s a bit to lively for my mum I couldn’t keep him there. I don’t know whether I should tell him he’s still so small. Has Ross told Moses what’s happened” Vanessa asked as she sat down beside Charity.</p><p>“No, he said he can’t do it, Moses misses mum so much he just wants to come home, I’ll ask him to bring him down I know Moses would love to see you and Johnny” Debbie said maybe everyone being here would be good for her mum.</p><p>“Hello Miss Woodfield, Miss Dingle we just got the results back from the tests the brain function seems normal it seemed like she was doing a lot of dreaming which is good it means she’s still in there. We need to operate there seems to be a blockage I’m hoping she won’t need a new liver we should be able to sort the issue, we’re going to need you to sign some papers” Dr McBride said as he handed Vanessa the papers.</p><p>“Ok, but she’ll be ok won’t she, finding a new liver isn’t easy” Vanessa cried there’s a waiting list for new organs.</p><p>“Let’s just take one step at a time we won’t know until we operate on wherever she’ll need a new liver we’re hopeful it won’t come to that. My colleague consultant Mr Sarred will be preforming the surgery if you have any questions for him I can ask him to come and speak to you” Dr McBride said he knew it was a lot to take in they’ve had a rough 24 hours.</p><p>“Yes please thank you doctor” Vanessa said as he left the room.</p><p>“This is sounding really bad Ness, what do we tell the kids” Debbie asked as she took her mum’s hand.</p><p>“It will be ok, your mum’s a fighter lets just hope the operation is a success and she won’t need a transplant” Vanessa said Charity had to be ok she just had to be.</p><p>“Hello I’m Mr Sarred I’m the leading consultant I understand you have some questions” Mr Sarred said as he came in the room.</p><p>“Yes thank you, Charity’s still not breathing on her own, how will the operation work” Vanessa asked.</p><p>“We’re hoping by doing the operation we’ll be able to sort the damage out and then in a couple of days slowly take her of the breathing machines, and see where we’re at. There’s quite a lot of liver damage has she always had a drinking problem” Mr Sarred asked.</p><p>“Not always no, but recently she’s been going through some problems and from what I understand she was drinking heavily” Vanessa said.</p><p>“Ok, we’ll be preparing her for surgery in a few minutes why don’t you both try and get some rest I can ask a nurse to bring in some fold out beds I know you’ll both want to stay” Mr Sarred said as he left the room.</p><p>“Thank you doctor” Vanessa said not that she’ll be able to sleep to much was going on.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Chapter 4</strong>
</p><p>The operation was a success and Charity thankfully doesn’t need a new liver, her breathing still hasn’t improved and she was still unable to breath on her own but they was hoping that in a couple of days things may change.</p><p>“Ness I’m going to go and grab some coffee would you like something,” Debbie asked as she got up they both managed a few hours sleep while Charity was away which they needed.</p><p>“Yes thank you Debbie how are the kids” Vanessa asked knowing she spoke to the family.</p><p>“They’re ok, Noah is still worried Diane is staying with them, so we won’t need to worry” Debbie said as she left the room.</p><p>While Debbie left the room Vanessa decided to finally open the letter, she knew this was going to be hard for her to read.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Hi Ness, if you’re reading this it means I’m gone, please don’t hate me, I couldn’t keep living like this, I lost everyone and everything that ever mattered to me. I know everything was my fault, I should never have let that guy kiss me, I still don’t know why it happened it doesn’t make sense to me. I love you more than anything I told you I couldn’t function without you. I never meant to hurt the kids I just didn’t know how to get over the pain of losing you I couldn’t stop drinking it was the only thing that could numb the pain of losing you and Johnny bobs. </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>This is the worst I’ve ever felt and maybe if I had got help I would still be alive and I’d still have you and my kids. I want you to know Ness I’ve never been happier than when I was with you, you give me a family and the three years I spent with you meant the world to me. I love you so much Ness and I always will, you will always be the love of my life.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>I wish more than anything that we’d have got married that day, maybe if we did we would never have broken up and I wouldn’t have lost you. Ness I’m leaving you, your ring it’s not mine it’s yours you can do what you like with it. I just want you to be happy Ness that’s all I ever wanted for you I hope you find love again I want you to have that, have a family I want you to have everything I ever wanted. Thank you for loving me I’m sorry I broke your heart and in the process shattered my own heart which I could never recover from, you will always have my heart wether it’s in this life or the next. Goodbye Vanessa all my love Charity x.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>Vanessa couldn’t stop the tears from falling Charity really did want to die, how could she want to do that. How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad, to make you make the call that having no life at all is better than the life that you had.</p><p>“You ok Ness” Debbie asked as she saw Vanessa crying.</p><p>“No, no I’m not she really wanted to die Debbie, we broke her so bad she wanted to end it all she couldn’t keep living like she was we drove her that far, what are we going to do” Vanessa cried as she held the ring in her hand.</p><p>“Vanessa she’ll wake up we’ll get her through this we’re not going to lose her again I promise you” Debbie said as she hugged her.</p><p>“I’m going to get some air please call me if anything happens” Vanessa cried as she got up she had to get out of there she’s never felt so broken.</p><p>Vanessa decided to go to Rhona’s she needed to speak to someone and she wanted to see Johnny she missed her little boy. She felt bad about leaving Debbie on her own but she had to clear her head. She’ll go back she knew she couldn’t sleep without Charity by her side and ok again.</p><p>“Hi Ness what’s happened is it Charity” Rhona asked as she opened the door she’s never seen her so broken.</p><p>“Where’s Johnny,” Vanessa asked not wanting to scare him.</p><p>“Marlon’s just taken him and Leo to the park, how is Charity,” Rhona asked.</p><p>“Still no change, she wanted to die Rhona she was that broken she wanted to end it all. I should have come home I should have believed her I should have helped her. She stood by my side when I was stabbed, when I had the cancer she never left me and when she needed me more than anything I wasn’t there. I was quick to blame her family but I’m to blame too. I should have believed her when she told me about that guy I should have known it was never an affair you told me how broken she was and how lonely, how could I do that to her that she thought her only way out of that pain was to end it” Vanessa cried.</p><p>“Vanessa this is not your fault I should have helped her, I knew she wasn’t handling things when you was at your mum’s she thought you didn’t want to be with her anymore that you’d found someone else. She was broken Ness and when you ended it she couldn’t handle it ok don’t think Tracy helped. You know Charity told me she was going to tell you what happened when you got home and explain. She just wanted you home Ness, I’ve never seen anyone in pain like that before. I could have helped her more but it didn’t feel right like I was betraying you. You wouldn’t even let me mention her name, what could I say that Tracy hadn’t said, Charity was drinking all the time she wasn’t raising the kids she did need help maybe know she can get that help. Marlon feels responsible for buying Charity’s share in the pub he wanted to help her he tried to talk to Noah get him to talk to his mum” Rhona said as she hugged her best friend.</p><p>“You know she once told me she couldn’t live with out me, she wouldn’t be able to function. I never should have left. You know I never stopped loving her, I know eventually I would have forgiven her, I know we would have got back together eventually and now I may never get that chance I’ve lost her Rhona” Vanessa cried.</p><p>“Ness don’t think like that, she’ll get through this, you know how strong Charity is, but you need to get her help this time Ness make sure she speaks to someone she’s been through a lot in her life and I guess she feels unworthy of love everyone she’s ever loved has always left her. She’s been abandoned ever since she was a kid, her family have never really treated her right, they were so hard on her no one could see she really needed help I wish I’d helped her Ness than maybe this wouldn’t have happened” Rhona said feeling bad about not being there.</p><p>“I’m going to make sure she see’s a psychiatrist this time we are never going through this again, maybe it’s a good thing she no longer has the pub she can’t drink anymore and working in the environment won’t be good for her. I’m going to look at buying a place in town I need to be here she needs me Rhona, I’m never leaving her again” Vanessa said hoping there was somewhere she could buy.</p><p>“You know Tracy and Nate are moving out of your old place, you could ask Diane if she’s selling it. I don’t know what Debbie doing with the house that could also be an option,” Rhona suggested as she got up to make them some tea.</p><p>“I’ll speak to Diane, see what she wants to do I think it would be good for us to live somewhere else make new memories” Vanessa said they needed a fresh start.</p><p>“Hi Ness, how’s Charity” Marlon asked as he walked through the door with the two boys.</p><p>“Mummy, I missed you” Johnny smiled as he hugged her.</p><p>“I’ve missed you too so much, hi Marlon, Leo” Vanessa smiled as she held her son.</p><p>“Mummy can we go see mummy Charity I miss her,” Johnny asked hoping he could he didn’t understand why he had to stay at Rhona’s.</p><p>“Not right now Johnny mummy Charity is poorly, why don’t I take you over to see Noah and Sarah would you like that” Vanessa asked hoping he wouldn’t cry again.</p><p>“Yes please mummy I miss them too and Moses will he be there” Johnny asked he missed his brother.</p><p>“Moses is at his daddies house but he should be home in a couple of days you’ll see him then ok, come on Johnny lets go so bye to Rhona, Marlon and Leo” Vanessa smiled as she held his hand.</p><p>“Bye, thank you for taking me to the park” Johnny smiled as they left.</p><p>“Rhona I’ll drop him back off later before I head back to the hospital, I’ll call you,” Vanessa said as she closed the door.</p><p>“Noah” Johnny yelled as he ran into his arms.</p><p>“Hi squirt I’ve missed you so much would you like to play the new game I got” Noah smiled as he hugged his little brother.</p><p>“Yes please can I mummy” Johnny asked as Vanessa caught up to them.</p><p>“Cause you can, Noah would it be ok to leave him with you, I’m going to head back to the hospital, he’s staying with Rhona so you can drop him back of there” Vanessa said hoping that would be ok.</p><p>“I’d love to spend time with him, Diane is making dinner he can have dinner with us and then I’ll drop him off if that’s ok” Noah asked he’s really missed having Johnny around.</p><p>“Mummy can I stay here please I want to stay with Noah” Johnny asked.</p><p>“It’s ok if he does Ness I don’t mind Sarah would love having him here too,” Noah asked.</p><p>“Ok, if your sure I’ll ring Rhona let her know what’s going on, I’ll call you later let you know what’s going on” Vanessa said as she hugged them.</p><p>“Bye mummy I’m going to make mummy Charity a get well card,” Johnny said as Noah carried him into the house.</p><p>“Mummy Charity would love that, bye Noah, Johnny be good” Vanessa smiled as she walked away this is where her son belonged with his family she should never have taken him away from them.</p><p>When Vanessa arrived back at the hospital Debbie had fallen asleep so she thought she’d leave her to sleep it’s been a long couple of days for everyone. Vanessa knew she needed to try and get some sleep too, there was still no change with Charity they just had to wait.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Chapter 5</strong>
</p><p>It’s been a couple of days now since the surgery and there was still no change, the doctor suggested turning off the machine to see if she could breathe on her own. Vanessa knew she had to speak to the kids before she could make that decision, she knew they needed to do it, it’s up to Charity to now pull though to want to live.</p><p>“Hi Ness what’s wrong” Debbie asked as she came in the room with Noah, Sarah and Ryan.</p><p>“It’s your mum the doctor wants to turn the machine of to see if your mum can breathe on her own without it I couldn’t say yes without talking to you all, the little ones are to young to understand what’s going on and I don’t want to scare them.</p><p>“Thank you for asking us, I think we have to do this, we have to know it’s not fair to mum to keep her like this for the rest of her life we have to know” Debbie said they had to at least try.</p><p>“You can’t do that, she’ll die we need to keep it on” Noah cried he couldn’t let them do it.</p><p>“Noah we have to know for sure, she’s not going to die your mum is strong we have to have faith she’ll be ok” Vanessa said as she hugged him.</p><p>“Ok, ok please don’t let her die Ness I can’t lose her” Noah cried.</p><p>“It’s ok with me I’m sorry I couldn’t get here sooner” Ryan said he felt bad about not being here.</p><p>“Mum will gran be ok, you said the operation went well” Sarah asked she was so scared she’d lose her gran.</p><p>“The operation did go well this is just the next step,” Debbie cried as she hugged her daughter.</p><p>“I’ll go and let the doctor know” Vanessa cried she really didn’t know how she was going to do this if it all went wrong she didn’t know if she’ll be able to recover from it, she couldn’t lose Charity she just couldn’t.</p><p>“Ness I’ll come with you we need to be together for this” Noah said as he with with her.</p><p>“Miss Woodfield have you made your decision, she’ll still be heavily sedated which we’ll lesson over the next 12 hours. It will then be a waiting game till she’s ready to wake up Ms Dingle’s body has been through a lot in the last few days its got a lot of recovering to do” Dr McBride said trying to reassure her this is the right thing to do.</p><p>“Thank you doctor we’ve discussed things as a family we know we need to do this, we’re ready” Vanessa cried as Noah pulled her into his arms he still couldn’t believe this happened how did things get so bad.</p><p>While they were taking, the tubes out none of the kids could watch Vanessa held Charity’s hand the whole time she knew she had to be strong for this, Charity needed her their kids needed her she couldn’t fall apart now.</p><p>The machine jolted at first and then they heard a steady heartbeat she was doing it she was breathing on her own, Vanessa has never felt so happy she knew in this moment Charity was going to be ok. Noah couldn’t stop smiling as he hugged her, he was so happy his mum was going to be ok.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Charity are you ok, looked like you were having an asthma attack” Vanessa asked as they sat down.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Yeah I’m ok, just felt a little out of breath, so what time are the boys coming back from Tracy’s” Charity asked wanting to spend some alone time with her wife. </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Oh not for a couple of hours I thought we could watch a movie how are you feeling now” Vanessa asked.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“I’ve never been happier I have you and our boy’s life is perfect. I just had the worst dream and it freaked me out I never want to lose you Ness I know for a fact I wouldn’t survive” Charity cried as she held her wife.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Charity I swear to you I’m not going anywhere, I could never be without you either Charity. This must have been some nightmare it’s really freaked you out, if you want to talk about it I’m here,” Vanessa said as she wiped the tears from Charity’s eyes.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“It seemed so real we, never married that day and you got sick moved to your mum’s and I kissed some bloke. You broke up with me, I lost everything you, the kids, and my family all turned on me. I thought everyone would be better off if I died so I tried to end it. When I woke up, I was in your arms again that’s why I was so confused. There is no place in the world where I’d rather be than in your arms you’re everything to me Ness you me and the kids I don’t need anything else” Charity cried as she relived it.  </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Wow that sounds awful, good thing we married that day then next time you go out with Chas maybe don’t drink so much if it’s going to give you bad dreams. I love you so much Charity promise that if things ever get to bad you’ll never ever think of trying to kill yourself. I wouldn’t be able to cope if I lost you like that I never want to lose you Charity,” Vanessa said as tears formed into her eyes.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“I promise you I’m not going anywhere either Ness I could never lose you not again I couldn’t take it” Charity said as she kissed her.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>“Miss Woodfield I’m going to be reducing the sedative now, give her a chance to wake up we’ll keep the monitors on if you need anything please press the emergency button and someone will come and help I’ll see you in the morning.</p><p>“Thank you for everything” Vanessa said as he left the room, this really was a good hospital.</p><p>“Ness do you need me to stay, I know you don’t want to leave mum” Debbie asked as she made her way over to her mum.</p><p>“No Debbie it’s fine, if you want to go home I know you must be tired,” Vanessa said as she held Charity’s hand.</p><p>“Ok, we’ll I’ll be over around midday please call me if anything happens, I’m seeing Jack, tomorrow would you like me to pick Johnny and Moses up they could spend the morning with us” Debbie asked.</p><p>“Yes please thank you they would like that. Ross is letting Moses stay here for a couple of weeks him and Rebecca are having a small holiday. They thought it be good for Moses to be here,” Vanessa said tomorrow evening she was going to spend a couple of hours with her boys she felt like she hasn’t spent any time with them.</p><p>“I don’t think they really understand what’s going on, which is a good thing we’re going to run out of space on the wall if they do anymore drawings for mum, if only she knew how loved she was maybe she wouldn’t have done this. Moses and Johnny love her so much they both missed her. You know before this all happened Moses was coming home, Ross told me but when we made her homeless, she had to call him and cancel it again. Mum was trying to sort of self out and we destroyed that I just hope she can forgive me” Debbie cried.</p><p>“She will your mum loves you Debbie and she is a good mum, the little ones worship her apparently I’m crap at the voices no one can make them laugh like your mum can” Vanessa smiled there was no doubt Charity was a good mum sure she’s made mistakes but who hasn’t nobodies perfect.  </p><p>“Well I better go goodnight Ness,” Debbie said as she left.</p><p>It didn’t take too long after Debbie left for Vanessa to fall asleep she was exhausted, she was grateful they bought her in something to sleep on she didn’t get the best sleep as there was people coming in and out throughout the night and she was still so worried about Charity.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Chapter 6</strong>
</p><p>“Morning Charity” Vanessa said as she took Charity’s hand same thing she has done every morning she’s been here.</p><p>“Morning babe” Charity broke out her mouth felt so dry she couldn’t understand where she was.</p><p>“Oh my god you’re awake I’m going to go get the doctor” Vanessa smiled as she ran out of the room.</p><p>“Miss Woodfield is everything ok, we were just coming around to check on Ms Dingle” Dr McBride said as she ran towards him.</p><p>“She’s awake Charity’s awake” Vanessa smiled she’s never felt so happy she could finally relax she was going to be ok.  </p><p>“Hello Ms Dingle you gave us quite the scare, do you know where you are” Dr McBride asked as he approached her.</p><p>“No, last thing I remember was watching a movie and I fell asleep” Charity said why was she in hospital.</p><p>“You’re in the hospital, do you know who this is” Dr McBride asked thinking she had some sort of amnesia.</p><p>“Of course that’s my beautiful wife Vanessa” Charity smiled as she held Vanessa’s hand.</p><p>“Oh I didn’t realise you were married” Dr McBride said she never mentioned it.</p><p>“We’re not, Charity do you remember what happened” Vanessa asked she didn’t want to alarm her.  </p><p>“Yes last night we watched a movie Tracy was watching the boys” Charity smiled.</p><p>“Charity, you’re in hospital what date is it” Vanessa asked.</p><p>“28<sup>th</sup> of February 2021, I live with you and our boys Sarah moved to Scotland to be with Debbie, what is going on why are you being weird,” Charity asked confused.</p><p>“Well she’s got the date right so you don’t live together,” Dr McBride asked.</p><p>“No we broke up in October we were supposed to get married last year but something came up and we didn’t end up getting married then I got ill cancer I’m ok now in remission” Vanessa said Charity was clearly going through something.</p><p>“No Vanessa, you’re my wife you told me we’re married, that we got married that day, you told me that other stuff was a nightmare” Charity stated crying she wanted to go back to sleep where everything was happy again.</p><p>“Charity what are you talking about” Vanessa cried she didn’t want to freak her out but none of this was making sense.</p><p>“No, I want to go back to sleep I had my wife my family I don’t want to be here where I have nothing” Charity cried as tears streamed down her face.</p><p>“Charity you don’t have nothing I’m here I’m never leaving you again please calm down, I’ll call the kids tell them you’re awake they’ll be so happy. Please don’t leave me again Charity I couldn’t take it” Vanessa cried as she hugged her.</p><p>“So it was all a dream we’re not married, so someone found me then” Charity asked still wrapped in Vanessa’s arms.</p><p>“Yes Cain found you, Sarah was with him. Noah called me I came straight here. Why did you do it Charity” Vanessa asked she needed to know.</p><p>“I had nothing left I couldn’t keep living like I was, I was a mess. I thought everyone would be better off without me. I didn’t want to ruin anymore lives everyone hated me” Charity cried as Vanessa held her.</p><p>“They don’t hate you Charity, Debbie came home she’s been with me here waiting for you to wake up, she went home last night after I told her too, she’ll be over this afternoon she’s taking our boys out with Jack” Vanessa said as she wiped the tears from Charity’s face.</p><p>“Johnny and Moses are home, I’ve missed them both so much. These last few months have been the worst time of my life. I lost everything Ness, I hate myself for what I did, but you have to know that kiss meant nothing to me, I became my father after you left me, I drank all day and night I’d drink until I passed out then I’d drink again I couldn’t feel the pain of losing you I just couldn’t take it. Mackenzie got inside my head, I done a couple of scams with him turns out he was using me to get at Cain. If it wasn’t for Noah I’d probably be back in prison but that’s not even the worst of it and after I tell this you’ll never want to see me again but you have to know Ness. I promised myself if you ever came home, I would never lie to you again and I’d tell you everything. I slept with him it was a couple of months after we broke up I was drunk not that, that’s an excuse I hate myself for that more than anything. I told you I couldn’t live without you and I can’t it felt like I was drowning and I couldn’t reach the surface no matter how hard I tried” Charity cried.</p><p>“It kills me that you slept with him, but you clearly wasn’t thinking straight with the way you were living at the time. I wish more than anything I’d just come home that day, we wouldn’t be going through this now. You need to get help Charity you need to speak to someone you, I should have insisted you get help after the Bails trial. You can’t keep living like this, and I promise you I won’t leave your side I’m not going anywhere we’re going to get through this together,” Vanessa said.</p><p>“Ness I’ll be ok, all I need is you and the kids I won’t be around alcohol now I can be me again I was my happiest when I was with you” Charity cried she knew she could get through this.</p><p>“Charity you tried to kill yourself and if Cain didn’t find you I’d be planning your funeral, we are never going to go through that again, you need to so this. You need to speak to someone I love you so much Charity and I can’t lose you” Vanessa cried.</p><p>“Ness I love you too more than I’ve ever loved anybody, things just became too much we’ve been through a lot in the last year. When I lost you everything just fell apart I know I can get through anything with you by my side Ness, I don’t need to drink anymore, I don’t even want to drink anymore,” Charity cried.</p><p>“Charity you were in such a bad way, you could have died, I won’t go though that again you need to get help. If you’re scared I’ll be there with you can you please go even if it’s only once for me please” Vanessa cried.</p><p>“Ok, I’d do anything for you, you know that but if I don’t like it we won’t have to go again. I know I’ll be ok as long as I have you Ness,” Charity said.</p><p>“Hi mum” Debbie smiled as she came in the room.</p><p>“Debbie” Charity cried she just wanted to make things right with her daughter.</p><p>“I’m going to leave you two to talk, I’ll be back later” Vanessa smiled as she got up of the bed.</p><p>“Mum I’m so sorry, please don’t ever do that again I can’t lose you,” Debbie cried as she hugged her mum.</p><p>“Debbie I’m the one who’s sorry my life was a mess I would never mean to hurt you I was drunk and he got inside my head. Please don’t hate me I love you so much I’m going to get through this I swear I won’t do something so stupid ever again” Charity cried as she held her daughter.</p><p>“Mum I could never hate you I was hurt, but I would have forgiven you. Mum I should have helped you I should have seen how much you were hurting I should never have kicked you out of the house that was your home it wasn’t fair of me to do that. I’m selling the place, I know Vanessa was looking to buy a place but she doesn’t want it mum she’s buying her old home from Diane, she wants you to live there with the boys” Debbie said.</p><p>“Vanessa wants me to see a psychiatrist, I don’t really feel like I need to but what harm could it do” Charity said.</p><p>“Mum Ness is right you do need to speak to someone, you need help mum. You could have died, do you know that we can’t lose you, we may have are ups and downs mum but we need you in our lives” Debbie said.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I think I do need to speak to someone they can’t make things any worse. Do you think Ness and I will get back together” Charity asked.</p><p>“Mum, Ness loves you she’s never left your side, you need to talk to her” Debbie suggested she knew eventually they would get back together its clear to everyone how much they both still love each other.</p><p>“I will do, how is Noah” Charity asked she was worried about him she knew that what she did must have hurt him.</p><p>“He’ll be here soon, he’s been so worried about you mum, promise me you won’t do this to us again” Debbie said.</p><p>“I promise you I won’t I have things to live for now” Charity cried as she hugged her daughter.</p><p>“Mum I’m so sorry I ever made you feel like you had nothing, you still had us and you always will we’ve always made up in the past were never angry with each other for long. You know I would have forgiven you it wasn’t your entire fault you were in a dark place and Al used that to get to me” Debbie said as Vanessa came back in the room.</p><p>“I can come back if you need more time,” Vanessa said not wanting to interrupt.</p><p>“No that’s ok, I’m going to pick Noah and Sarah up I’ll be back soon, bye mum, Ness do you need anything” Debbie asked as she got up.</p><p>“No thank you I’m ok I spoke to Johnny and Moses they want to come up and see you Charity,” Vanessa said as she sat by her bedside.</p><p>“I would love to see them I’ve missed them so much, do you now when I’ll be allowed home” Charity asked she really didn’t like being in here.</p><p>“In a few days they still need to do a few checks make sure everything is ok and you’ll have to see the psychiatrist before you can go home. Tracy had the baby I’ve just been to see her and Nate” Vanessa smiled her niece was so cute.</p><p>“That’s good how is Tracy” Charity asked she missed having her in her life even if at times she annoyed her she knew she was a good person with a good heart.</p><p>“She’s good, even though she won’t admit it she missed having you in her life Charity she’s been lonely these last few months. How are you feeling now, you’re not in any pain are you” Vanessa asked.</p><p>“No I’m ok I’m a bit sore, Ness will you ever forgive me for what I did” Charity asked.</p><p>“I love you Charity and I’ll never not love you. I’ve never been so broken when we broke up it destroyed me you broke my heart Charity, and I thought I could never forgive you, but I do, I forgive you Charity. I’m not saying I’m ready for us to be together again we’re both not ready for that. I would need to trust you before we could even think about us being together again. Debbie most probably told you I bought my old place from Diane, Tracy and Nate are moving out in few days they’ve got the farm. When you’re allowed home you can stay with us, unless you want to still live with Diane. I just want to make sure you ok Charity the boys would love it if we lived together again” Vanessa said.</p><p>“I would love to live with you again, I won’t let you down Ness I swear I’ll never hurt you again. I know one day we’ll be back together we belong together we’re soul mates Ness, and I’ll wait for whenever you’re ready for us to be us again I’ll rebuild your trust in me and one day you will be my wife” Charity smiled she knew they would be together again she just knew it.</p><p>“Hi mum, please don’t ever scare me like that again I can’t lose you ever” Noah cried as he came in the room.</p><p>“Come here, Noah I’m so sorry I love you so much I promise you things are going to be ok from now on I’m going to get help” Charity cried as she hugged her son she knew she had to get help her family needed her she knew that now.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <strong>Chapter 7</strong>
</p><p>Charity’s been awake a few days now and today she was finally seeing Johnny and Moses she was so excited she missed her boys so much, Vanessa hasn’t left her side she knew she really scared her doing what she did. They’ve talked so much over the last few days Vanessa insisted she was partly to blame in what happened and they both swore to both be honest from now on.</p><p>“Mummy Charity” Johnny yelled as he ran over to her.</p><p>“Johnny bobs I’ve missed you so much,” Charity cried as she hugged him.</p><p>“Hi mummy” Moses mumbled as Vanessa carried him in the room.</p><p>“Hi Charity this one fell asleep bless him was so excited to see you” Vanessa smiled as she placed Moses on the bed.</p><p>“I’ve missed you too so much, my sweet boy” Charity smiled as Moses sat on the other side with Johnny.</p><p>“Mummy we draw you pictures” Moses smiled as Vanessa handed him the bag.</p><p>“Yeah mummy Charity we draw you lots and lots and we draw loads for the new house” Johnny smiled.</p><p>“I love them thank you both” Charity smiled as she held her boys.</p><p>“Tracy moved out Noah’s going to help me decorate the house is ours now, it’s a bit small but the boys love sharing a room, Noah said he doesn’t mind his new room will be small he’s just happy we’re all going to be together again” Vanessa smiled.</p><p>“I can’t wait to go home Ness the doctor said I can go home tomorrow will things be ready by then” Charity asked she couldn’t wait to get out of here.</p><p>“I’ll make sure it is, have you decided what you’re going to do now, that you don’t have the pub,” Vanessa asked as she sat with them on the bed.</p><p>“Not really and I don’t have to decide straight away the sale isn’t final yet there was still paper work to be sorted, but right now I don’t want anything to do with the pub. I’ve not heard anything from any of them I’ve come to the realisation none of them really care about me” Charity said it hurt she thought her family would always be there.</p><p>“Let’s not talk about them why don’t we watch a movie, boys what would you like to watch” Vanessa smiled as she took out her iPad.</p><p>“Can we watch toy story” Johnny asked he loved that movie.</p><p>“Cause we can, don’t know how we’re all going to fit on this bed but we’ll make it work” Charity smiled as she made room for Vanessa to lay with them.</p><p>Noah has just finished painting his new room when he got a test from Vanessa saying his mum’s coming home tomorrow he knew he needed help to finish everything so he rang Samson to come over and help. He bought his dad so they should get the place finished in time. Debbie had bought over most of their stuff earlier which he still had to unpack.</p><p>“It’s good your mum’s coming home, I’m glad Vanessa’s back I know how much you all missed her,” Sammy said not really knowing what to say.</p><p>“Lydia made us some food for when we’ve finished I put it in the fridge, it shouldn’t take us to long, then afterwards if you want we can play that new video game,” Samson suggested.</p><p>“Yeah sounds good thank you for helping me it’s all been so rushed I just want my mum to be happy again” Noah said as they started decorating the front room.</p><p>“I’ll go and put the boy’s furniture together,” Sammy said as he made his way upstairs with his toolbox.</p><p>“Thanks Sammy Vanessa should be home in a few hours, I just don’t want her worrying,” Noah said grateful he had help to finish everything.</p><p>Vanessa couldn’t believe that they managed to transform the house in such a short time. Sammy had done such a good job with the boys bedroom they loved it. Noah had popped over to Diane’s to get her mum’s things and Debbie bought all there stuff over from her house. This really did feel like home she was so grateful to Noah for doing all of this for them he really did make sure everything was ready for when his mum comes home.</p><p>“Sammy but the furniture together he said if you need anymore help to ask, there’s dinner in the oven if your hungry” Noah smiled as she hugged him he was so happy she liked what he’d done.</p><p>“I’m starving thank you so much Noah I know it must have been a challenge, to get it ready so fast, let’s eat, then you two are going to bed it’s been a long day” Vanessa smiled as they sat down at the table.</p><p>“Ness how’s mum doing” Noah asked as he handed her some food.</p><p>“She was happy today, I’d never seen her smile so much, it was a really good afternoon with the boys. Your mum’s going to be ok Noah, we’re going to see a psychiatrist in a few days I know she doesn’t like talking about her feelings but she needs to this will really help her. Noah I promise you I won’t let her fall back into that dark hole we’ll get through this as a family” Vanessa said this was going to be hard but in the end it had to work it just had to.</p><p>“I wish I got mum help sooner, I wish I called you Ness, mum could have died I’ve never been so scared, I want to make things right with her for letting her down” Noah sighed.</p><p>“Noah you didn’t let your mum down please stop thinking like that, your mum loves you you’re just a kid, none of this is your fault, your mum is ok, that’s all that matters. Your mum just wants you to be happy Noah” Vanessa said he shouldn’t be blaming himself they all played their part in what happened.</p><p>“Thank’s Ness, I know she wants me to be happy, Cain’s going to let me work at the garage part time I’ve decided to finish college, I want to be an engineer” Noah said as he helped the boys clean up there mess.</p><p>“I’m so glad your going back to college, and when you get excepted to university don’t worry about the money I’ll sort it out, my mum set up a uni fund for me years ago for when I had kids, there is enough in there for all you kids so please don’t worry” Vanessa smiled she’s already spoken to her mum and she’s ok with it.</p><p>“Really thank you, are you sure though that’s a lot of money” Noah asked.</p><p>“Of course I’m sure, your my son Noah if you want to go to university I want to support you” Vanessa smiled she was proud of the young man he’s turned into he really was a good kid.</p><p>“Mummy we’ve finished can we play Xbox before bed” Johnny asked hoping she said yes.</p><p>“Ok but only for a little bit, Noah would you mind playing with them I’m not that great at video games” Vanessa asked as she finished her dinner.</p><p>“Of course I’ll put them to bed for you as well, I know you must be tired, are you going back to the hospital tonight” Noah asked she’d spent every night there since this happened.</p><p>“Not tonight no your mum insisted I come home she didn’t want me to get ill again with sleeping on the fold out, I’ll be going to see her early in the morning. I’m going to go and have a bath and I think I’ll have an early night are you sure you don’t mind watching them” Vanessa asked he’d already done so much.</p><p>“Ness it’s fine honestly I’ve missed spending time with my brothers, as annoying as they can be I love being around them, right boys lets go” Noah smiled as they ran up the stairs.</p><p>Vanessa was exhausted she didn’t realise how tired she was until she lied down, she fell asleep straight away knowing Charity was ok helped ease her mind.</p><p>“Morning Ness” Charity smiled as she walked into her room.</p><p>“Morning Charity, how was your night” Vanessa asked as she sat next to her on the bed.</p><p>“It was ok, not to much pain, I spoke to a psychiatrist this morning just before you came she needed to make sure it was safe for me to go home, I assured her I’ll be ok. We spoke about things and she’s happy I’m getting help” Charity said as Vanessa held her hand.</p><p>“That’s good, so you can come home” Vanessa asked hoping she still could.</p><p>“Yes I can, I can leave now they said I need lots of rest and the stitches are looking good. I have to come back in a few days for some more tests but I should be ok” Charity smiled as Vanessa helped her get up.</p><p>“Let’s get you home, I know you need your rest I’ve bought a really comfy sofa bed for the front room, so I’ll sleep on that” Vanessa said as she carried Charity’s bag.</p><p>“Ness I’m not taking your bed, I’ll sleep on the sofa” Charity said as she stopped walking.</p><p>“Charity you’ve just had major surgery you need proper sleep, it’s fine honestly my mum had the same one it’s comfortable I’m used to sleeping on it.</p><p>“Well then I’ll get used to it too because I’m not kicking you out of your room” Charity said as they continued walking towards Vanessa’s car.</p><p>“Charity please I need you to get better I just want you to be ok” Vanessa sighed as they left the hospital.</p><p>“I will be ok Ness, I have things to live for I promise you I won’t put you through this again I’m going to get help Ness, but I can’t take your bed” Charity said as Vanessa helped her into the car.</p><p>“Charity, please I’ll be worried and you need privacy” Vanessa said as she started driving them home.</p><p>“Ok but only for a few days then you can have your room back, so where are the boys” Charity asked as they drove she knew Vanessa was stubborn when she wanted to be.</p><p>“Oh there staying at Debbie’s for the night I wanted you to rest and I’d be to worried I know how lively the boys can get when they’re excited” Vanessa said grateful Debbie was helping she couldn’t put everything on Noah.</p><p>“So Debbie is staying then” Charity asked as she looked out the window.</p><p>“Yes for a couple of weeks then she has to go back she’s hoping the house is sold before then, Sarah is thinking about moving down to Scotland I think it will be good for her” Vanessa said knowing how hard this has all been on Sarah.</p><p>“Maybe your right it will get her away from that Danny. I hate that Debbie lives so far away but I want her to be happy Ness I just need to make things right with her again” Charity said as Vanessa pulled up outside what was there new home.</p><p>“Things are going to be ok Charity, Debbie loves you she just wants you to be happy” Vanessa said as she helped her out of the car.</p><p>“I bet you never thought you’d be back living here” Charity asked as Vanessa helped her walk up the path.</p><p>“No, can’t say I did, I’m going to make us some tea would you like the TV on” Vanessa asked as she helped her sit on the sofa.</p><p>“Yes please thanks Ness, I really don’t deserve you” Charity smiled after what she’d done she wouldn’t have blamed her for hating her but here she was looking after her when she didn’t have to.</p><p>“Charity I’ve told you please stop saying that, I’m here because I want to be, I never want to come close to losing you again, would you like a sandwich” Vanessa asked as she made her way in to the kitchen.</p><p>“Ok, thank you, will you watch TV with me I don’t really want to be on my own” Charity asked hoping she would.</p><p>“Cause I will” Vanessa smiled as she started preparing there lunch.</p><p>Half way through the movie Charity fell asleep she wasn’t surprised with the medication they had her on the doctor said it would make her drowsy. She looked so peaceful Vanessa decided to turn the TV off and read a book not waning to wake her there was still so much they needed to discuss but she knew they were going to be ok.</p>
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